Hi!
Welcome back!
If you’ve read my first blog and have followed me to the second one then you’re a real one, thank youu!
And if this is your first time here, then I hope you stick around for my next.
But yes, I am back! And this time I want to get YOU thinking deeply about life and more importantly about you. So, I ask you to take a minute to be brutally honest and ask yourself, “Are you true to yourself?”
In life we go through so many stages, some may heal us whilst others may break us; in this we might feel a bundle of joy and a stream of happiness but other times a cloud of rain or a storm of sadness but either way, we use these combine experiences to shape and build our characters, and sometimes they might not meet with our real selves, but instead we keep learning and moving forward to encounter our next success or challenge in the hope to find ‘true happiness’, or level up and achieve the next goal.
For so long, leading up to my 22nd, I’ve worked on filtering and developing this image of how I must look and where I hope to be.
The subconscious question: Will I fit in with society’s standards?
From what I have learnt and experienced over these years is that we tend to imitate or act out these ideal persona’s that form us as avatars, which portrays us to look desirable and pitch perfect, whilst we journalise and seek a source of validation from others. We are categorically presented as these icons where people should look up to us - but it is these fake morals that are performed by people who we are inspired to be, just because of the achievements they have successfully made and how how they’re dreams and ambitions are associated to our own. It is important to recognise that influences can be misleading, it takes a lot more hard work and dedication to get there but that part is not always shown. Although it can be accomplished - when masking a fake copy or edition of yourself, it can make it incredibly challenging to reach because of the constant lies surrounding it, that we feed to others as well as ourselves. We instantly forget what our main purpose is and then disconnect from our reality, the truth - most of the time we are self conscious and uncertain to a degree therefore, it is essential to priorities an intimate one to one with yourself to admit the mistakes you have made, so that you are able to venture the real you!
It is almost like living this fantasy, and I admit it, I hold both my hands up with guilt, and I am sure you’re sitting there reading this and are silently nodding your heads without anyone looking, agreeing that we have all faked a range of persona‘s throughout our time, and probably still doing it.
A fine example is me rewriting this blog over and over again so that it fits in with your standards.
Carl Jung’s, a famous Swiss Psychiatrist who studied persona’s, belief mentions how we as individuals always tend to project a persona which is different to our authentic selves. I must say I strongly believe this, as I witness myself and many others doing it, but I only find this to be more damaging because we are constantly, and in most cases subconsciously, pretending to be somebody else to others just to live up to their expectations rather than our own, which means we aren’t satisfied with who we originally are - do we blame society for controlling us like puppets and conditioning how we act, think and behave?
But I will continue to explain why I think this throughout the rest of my blog, as I am still figuring out what is the best way, and I have decided to share my thoughts and ideas in a part 2...so see you there!
STOP! Scroll down, there’s more...
Part 2: expect the unexpected...
Hmmm expectations, a word that has been thrown around so often without no shame, yet I struggle to comprehend what it really means. Yes, I am aware of the dictionary definition but what does it mean to me?
So I start off with asking you some questions:
What does the term expectations mean to you?
Do you see it as a positive or negative thing?
What is expected of you, what do you expect of yourself, others and why?
When your expectations fail, or don’t go to plan, what is your biggest fear?
And finally, are you true to yourself?
Now I hope you have taken some time to reflect and answer these questions, whilst processing and digesting, and ultimately finding a conclusion of what it might mean. I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer because I am sure we can agree, we all have had different experiences that shape our expectations. A few of mine include wanting my dream career, a perfect house and an incredible relationship that some of us hope for – but I believe there is always an alteration when it comes to having expectations, sometimes we might not reach them, so we give up (DO NOT GIVE UP!) but other times we might meet them and crave for more as the greed in us is ready to roar. Altogether, the thought process of explaining this term ties me in knots and becomes so twisted because it is so generic.
I am 100% certain that everyone who answered these questions, either has very different answers or fairly similar, but it is highly unlikely that it is the exact same to somebody else’s response. I only say this because each and every individual is designed and hardwired to act and think differently. For me what took the longest is actually finding the most perfect, relatable definition of the term ‘expectations.
But here is what I think:
You ever read a fictional story about the clock ticking so fast and the character being pulled into another dimension, or where a girl is being chased in a wheelchair by a serial killer down a hospital corridor or hoping to meet the prince charming who saves the princess from the highest tower, but he never shows up. How about if I told you these stories are like a dream and that our dreams should be viewed like our expectations so that it doesn’t weigh us down or feel like the inevitable. However with that being said, dreams are to be fantasised and to be worked for, so that should never take away your motivation and determination, but it should allow you to make a plan to meet small steps before reaching your final target.
Our mind is programmed from a very young age, normally set by our foundations and surroundings, desiring, and wanting to achieve what is sometimes seen as the ‘unreachable goal’, and it is when we don’t achieve them that we start to feel disheartened which damages our ego, confidence, self-esteem,and pride – and this eventually lowers our motivation. It is from here where you need to instantly boost yourself back up again by reconnecting with yourself - this can be done in several ways:
1. Focus on yourself – take a moment to step out of the real world and breathe, you can reconnect with yourself by meditating, writing your thoughts out, or going for daily walks. Whilst your there, envision your purpose in life and what you would like to achieve without being too critical. So often, we are our own worst enemies and were the first ones to judge ourselves but instead why don’t we look past that, then view the different avenues there are, and then refine and improve those areas, or the flaws we think we may have, to progress rather than demoralise ourselves. Whilst you are in a deep thought, you might find the truth – the one you may not want to hear, but it is this that will construct you to progress. Another point is working on how you talk to yourself and your routine, learn to enjoy your own company – there is no harm in doing that! You may find your power and control returning which will enhance and install your self-development and self- growth again.
2. Remember expectations can be healthy when they are your own – on most occasions we are trying to pitch ourselves and demonstrate our skills to others just to please them. And Yes, sometimes it can feel good and reassuring when you get a round of appraisal which satisfies you but it turns toxic when you replace this satisfaction with your own self worth. It starts to become overwhelming – there are cultures that apply this pressure where the elders compress their dreams and expectations onto their children who are capable of adopting and embracing independence and making decisions on their own with the support of their elders – however in most cases the child does not have a say and their dreams and expectations are ignored and left abandoned, removing their privilege of making choices. How can one truly be happy and satisfied when it is not their own passion and interests? And how about friends and celebrities that play a part towards our expectations – most of the time it is their behaviours that influence our expectations and decisions. Often, they seem to be so perfectly presented but it is important to consider that they have had their fair share of falls and trips before they could stand on their own two feet.
Now I am not saying to ignore what is being said by others because it can be useful, but all I am saying is that you know yourself better than that. It is great to listen to and take in ideas of what others say but it should never make you feel pressured to pursue what is not at your interest.
3. Manifest the steps rather than the goal itself - we all have our own privileges and some may be more at an advantage than others but that does not justify or mean that we cannot self-progress and self-grow. Nothing should ever come in your way to reach your desires; you must take all the power you own to work hard. I feel it is important, especially if you are in your 20’s to make mistakes and to learn from them, but to also use this time to work extremely hard and push boundaries whilst remembering to take regular breaks so you do not self-destruct!
Ever heard of ‘Guilt blocks us from growth’ – how regularly do we wake up and check our phones first thing in the morning? You think you will stay on it for a few minutes, but those minutes then turn into hours…I say do not make this a habit! I am a hypocrite for this but I am working on it...So what if I said lets change our routine, lets plan small steps for ourselves – instead of checking our phone in the morning, get up and get dressed then drink some water, eat a good breakfast and go for a walk. Instantly the results that you were not getting will finally show up, we must vision what we want to see and work on those steps rather than standing standstill or jumping 5 steps ahead of us. You will always see the same results, the same outcome with the same routine, so when that routine is not working you must change your behaviour and construct a different plan to follow. It is essential to identify the current situation, and to envision the small steps you want to take in a smaller time frame rather than jumping to an end goal straight away - it becomes harder to reach!
I was listening to a podcast and one thing that really stood out to me and that I noted down was that “the smartest people are the ones who learn from their mistakes after once or twice, but the people who are wiser are those who learn from their mistakes through the observations of others”. The most important lesson I took from this is that, yes make mistakes – it is essential for growth and development but do not do it out of stupidity – don’t make the same mistake twice that will let you down the next time, as this may be a cost at your own expense, and be aware of your surroundings. Do I entirely agree with this? Yes I do agree with this but I also do see it from the opposite angle, and believe that society has added this dominated pressure that is quite judgemental and overwhelming forming 2 types of people ‘the successor’ and ‘the failure’ – and if you were to make a mistake you’d be punished for it, already setting yourself up to be this failure. It is necessary to make the same mistake again but only when it directs you differently, and shows you how to handle it in different ways, forming different results.
4. Stay attentive – it is crucial that you keep your options open all the time, it just saves us from going through disappointment but it also provides a window of opportunities! We always must consider that there may be insurmountable times where we might not have as many choices as we would have liked – that is why we must be prepared, not to rush and make any decisions we are unclear on, but also to evaluate the situation we find ourselves in.
So here are the few points I would consider when reflecting on how to reach and attain my expectations, whilst relaying other relatable thoughts. Remember I am no expert, but it is what I am learning to believe. When submitting my final thoughts on the idea of expectations, I sincerely believe it falls upon the idea of our human nature to visualise and fantasise what we want, by extracting the views of others and being influenced to act and think a certain way – which can disguise the real us. I also believe that the term expectations has a negative connotation attached to it as society’s critiques and cruelty is constantly punishing us to be this perfect role model. Also remember people identify and fixate their expectations through their social and biological experiences most of the time - it is based on their sex/gender, colour/race, culture/religion, age and so many other factors. Furthermore, there are cliché phrases such as “New year, new me”, “never look too far ahead”, or “live in the moment” that imply how the term expectations should be looked at and viewed. But it is really only you who can make that decision, do you stay true to yourself? Or do you follow expectations that were never really yours?
The End
P.S
Sorry for the long wait! I will do my best to post more regular...
This blog has taken me a while to write as I had a lot to say - I hope you like it!
But please do share, and like both my blogs, would mean so much! Also don’t forget to comment on what you would like to see next ...
See you next till the next time!
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